Let's Unwind: How to Actually Release Your Stress (Not Just Manage It)

Insights for New Parents from Emily & Amelia Nagoski's Burnout

Being a new parent is a beautiful, overwhelming whirlwind. You're constantly "on," juggling endless demands, and often running on fumes. You know stress is part of the package, but what if I told you there's a crucial piece of the puzzle you might be missing? It's not just about managing stress; it's about releasing it.

Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of the game-changing book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, explain that our bodies are designed to react to stress, but we often forget the crucial last step: completing the stress response cycle.

Think about it: Your body gears up to "fight or flight" when the baby cries, the to-do list piles up, or you have a tough conversation. But then, you just keep going. That physical arousal – the quickened heart, the tense shoulders – gets stuck. And when stress cycles get stuck, it leads to that pervasive feeling of exhaustion and being utterly depleted, also known as burnout.

Good news: you don't need to eliminate every stressor (impossible!). You just need to learn how to help your amazing body signal that the "threat" has passed, allowing you to return to a state of calm.

The Cycle of Stress: Why You Feel Stuck

1. The Stressor: This is the thing that turns on your body's alarm. For new parents, this could be anything from a baby crying at 3 AM, a mountain of laundry, unsolicited advice, or the pressure to "do it all."

2. The Stress Response: Your body reacts automatically! Hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood your system. Your heart rate goes up, muscles tense, breathing quickens – all preparing you to deal with the "threat."

3. The Stuck Cycle: Here's the kicker for modern life, especially parenthood. After the baby finally falls asleep, or the task is done, you often just collapse or move to the next thing. You rarely get a chance for the physical release your body needs. The physiological "alarm" stays on, leaving you in a chronic state of high alert, feeling depleted and on edge.

4. Completing the Cycle: This is your superpower! It's about giving your body the physical and emotional cues it needs to realize the danger is over and it's safe to return to rest. It's not about thinking your way out of stress; it's about moving your way out.

7 Powerful Ways to Complete Your Stress Cycle (No Extra Time Needed!)

The Nagoskis identify these strategies as the most effective ways to tell your body, "Hey, we're safe now!" Don't aim for perfection; aim for small, consistent moments.

1. Move Your Body (Physical Activity): This is the gold standard because it mimics what our bodies are hard-wired to do after a perceived threat.

   • How: Go for a brisk walk around the block (baby in stroller!), dance to a favorite song for 5 minutes, do some squats while holding your little one, shake out your limbs, or even stomp your feet. The goal is to feel a physical shift.

   • Why: It signals to your nervous system, "I've run from the lion, I'm safe now!"

2. Breathe Deep (Breathing): Your breath is a direct remote control for your nervous system.

   • How: Try "box breathing" (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) or simply make your exhale longer than your inhale. Even 60-90 seconds while rocking the baby can make a difference.

   • Why: A long, slow exhale directly tells your body to calm down.

3. Connect (Positive Social Interaction): Safe, casual connection reminds your brain that the world is a supportive place.

   • How: A quick text to a friend saying "thinking of you," a wave and smile to a neighbor, or a genuine "thank you" to the grocery cashier. It doesn't have to be a deep conversation.

   • Why: It cues your nervous system into a sense of safety and belonging.

4. Laugh It Out (Laughter): That deep, belly laughter is a powerful release.

   • How: Watch a funny video while baby naps, share a ridiculous parenting story with your partner, or find a meme that makes you snort-laugh. Aim for "deep, impolite, helpless laughter."

   • Why: It's a physical release and reduces stress hormones.

5. Hug It Out (Affection/Physical Connection): Safe, loving touch is incredibly regulating.

   • How: A 20-second hug with your partner, a prolonged cuddle with your baby or pet, or even placing a hand on your own heart.

   • Why: It releases oxytocin, the "love hormone," which helps calm your nervous system.

6. Let It Flow (Crying): Tears are your body's natural pressure release valve.

   • How: Don't suppress it! If you feel the urge to cry, let it happen. Put on some sad music, watch a tear-jerker, or just allow the emotion to move through you when you have a moment of privacy.

   • Why: It releases stress hormones and helps complete the emotional loop.

7. Create (Creative Expression): Giving form to emotion can be incredibly liberating.

   • How: Journaling your thoughts and feelings, doodling, singing along to your favorite song, dancing freely, or even just arranging flowers. It doesn't have to be "good" art.

   • Why: It creates a safe container for processing big emotions and can lead to a sense of freedom.

Beyond Completion: Supportive Practices for New Parent Well-being

While the 7 above are direct ways to complete the stress cycle, these are crucial for overall resilience and making those moments of release even more effective:

• Prioritize Sleep (When Possible): We know, easier said than done with a newborn! But even snatched naps and optimizing your sleep environment when you do get a chance are critical. Sleep helps your brain process emotions and restore itself.

• Embrace Your Story (Imagination & Narrative): Sometimes stress comes from worry about what might happen. Actively visualizing positive outcomes or finding humor in your challenging "new parent stories" can help. Also, engaging with narratives (reading a book, watching a show) that have a clear beginning, middle, and end can give your brain a sense of completion.

Your Stress Release Plan:

You are incredible. You don't have to be perfect at this. Pick just one of these strategies and try to incorporate it for a few minutes today. Maybe it's a quick dance party with your baby, or 60 seconds of deep breathing while they nap. Small, consistent actions can make a monumental difference in how you feel, allowing you to show up as your best self for your family.

Citation:

Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books.

We drafted this summary and examples with the support of an AI assistant to help bring you clear, actionable insights.